How easy is it to start a new religion? This topic is discussed in Mission Madness, where I tell Bai Hu and Cou Rong about a revelation influenced by LSD, which I got from my psychiatrist to get in better touch with myself (this is no longer a medical practice, and LSD is now illegal).
“I was lying relaxed in my parents’ double bed in an ordinary terraced house, gazing up at a push pin in the ceiling. It had once held a paper angel aloft for Christmas in 1972, suspended by a white sewing thread. Though both angel and thread had long vanished, the white plastic head of the pin still stood out against the faded paint. Suddenly, the plastic head began to glow, emitting beams of light that filled the room, embracing the bed. The ceiling dissolved, and a universe of globes, moons, and stars melded together, intertwining with ever-changing mathematical formulas in various colors. A squirrel surfed in on a hairbrush, clutching a nut in its forepaws, flanked by a bat carrying a silver trophy and a cuckoo holding an Easter egg in its beak.”
“An Easter egg?” Hu asked, her expression serious.
“Yes, a nicely decorated Easter egg,” I replied, explaining that it symbolized life.
“Life?”
“Yes. What is the similarity between the cuckoo and the Holy Spirit?”
“No idea,” Hu replied, while Cou Rong suggested that both could fly.
“Yes, you’re onto something. Like the Holy Spirit, the cuckoo lays eggs in others’ nests. Remember, Joseph and Mary weren’t married yet, and Joseph probably thought he would get to be the first. He couldn’t have had it easy.”
“No,” Hu interjected with compassion. “I wouldn’t have liked to get pregnant with a cub that wasn’t mine, that had just been planted there. Why couldn’t God have just created Jesus the way He created Adam and let Joseph and Mary happen to find Him in the manger?”
“There would have been no space because Adam was fully grown when he was created.”
“Of course, God would have created a baby,” said Hu. “Why didn’t He simply create Jesus as a baby instead of having him be born?”
“Then there would have been no religion, as everyone would have believed that some traveler had put him there, and he had only become a craftsman. It was prophesied from ancient times that Jesus would be born of a virgin; therefore, God had to dispatch the Holy Spirit on a mission when the time was ripe. It’s typical for a religion’s creator to be born as the sun turns toward brighter times; it has always been the optimal time. The Holy Spirit visited Mary in early spring while the farmers were sowing their fields; for what you sow, you must also reap. God could not just create him in the same way as Adam. Jesus had to come into existence as a normal human being. That is why he is also called the Son of Man. Do you understand? Easter is in the spring. The cuckoo with the Easter egg in its beak symbolizes life.”
“Fair enough,” replied Cou Rong.
“What about the squirrel and the bat?”
“The squirrel is the symbol of wisdom,” I answered lightly. “It collects nuts and forgets where it has hidden them.”
“But it’s stupid. How can it symbolize wisdom?” said Hu, shaking her head.
“Because the squirrel doesn’t care about what it’s collected. It’s happy in the moment, easily jumping from tree to tree and gathering nuts that benefit others.”
“Of course,” Hu said a little reluctantly. “And the bat?”
“The bat is the symbol of faith. It flies blind and orients itself with built-in radar. Even in complete darkness, it finds its way to its destination. The cuckoo, the squirrel, and the bat can become important symbols if we aim to start a religion. But a savior born of a virgin, a poor man who turned water into wine, walked on water, and rose from the dead after three days, is probably more magical than a squirrel flying on a hairbrush. What do you think?”
“I guess it depends on how cleverly we manage to do it,” said Hu.
“No,” replied Cou Rong. “A religion must be true. It goes without saying; being clever doesn’t suffice.”
Hu shook her head dejectedly, and I continued.
“The New Testament was begun thirty-five years after the crucifixion and was not completed until three hundred years later. Then, the Roman emperor Constantine decided that Jesus was a God on par with his heavenly father. Although the emperor himself was not baptized, he needed a unifying religion and shaped it to suit his purposes best. I’m inclined to believe that Constantine was clever.”
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