Mindanao Advice

The dream of finding a soulmate is inherently strong in us, and I must admit that it is one of the things I have prayed for. When I was young, I asked one of my teachers how it was to be married, and she answered, “It’s definitely not a bed of roses.” After seeing my own parents’ fights, I recognized that marriage is not an easy ride. I am glad I learned that lesson early.

One of the first things my husband told me was that real love is recognizing something unique and beautiful in each other. After that, it is an ability to oversee your partner’s flaws, followed by hard work if you decide to live together.

He said that love is a challenge and marriage is hard work, then asked if I was ready for sweat and tears. Luckily, I was. After making a decision paper weighing the pros and cons and charmed by his honesty, I said yes and never regretted it. Of course, there have been times when my pride, jealousy, and misunderstanding have made me cry and feel lousy, but as my husband says, “There is still room for improvement in both of us, so why not try to reach out for that?”

My husband and I share many similarities, but he is of a different nationality, and we have a big age gap. We don’t really quarrel, but we discuss things intensely sometimes. However, we both agree not to directly hit each other’s personalities and also to understand the pressure that triggers the conflict. We try to count to ten before saying anything when provoked or hurt. It is not as easy as it sounds, and we are still training on it.

Our move to Spain wasn’t very comfortable for me, but I managed to overcome the difficulties by being positive. You will need a lot of it when you have to travel alone to a foreign country and settle there with your husband, and neither of you knows the language.

It takes hard work for a marriage to work. I don’t mean the type of hard work when you always have to keep busy because you want financial stability for the family. That is a responsible thought, but you must work on your mindset to maintain the balance between your career, your relationship with your partner, and your kids, if you have. Not to mention, with yourself. It will never be easy, but it’s well worth the ride for yourself and those important to you, never to take focus away from the kindness and understanding that glue a marriage together.

I’ve seen many failed marriages, and I often ask, did they really try to work it out? Did they take time to examine things with each other? Did they focus more on the solution than the problem?

A marriage will never work well without each other’s full cooperation. It’s like a sacred goal or a longing to have a good relationship out of love, respect, and understanding. All the riches in the world pale compared to the inner peace you gain when you have a partner who also helps you to grow in the process.

My marriage is still young, and anything can happen. However, I am willing to put in all the work to make it work without sacrificing my dignity. That’s what I learned from my past experiences surviving on the rough edges. I have scars from the past and destructive reaction patterns to get rid of. I need room for myself and support in my dreams. It takes a great soul to see that, and I am happy I found one.

Image by Eldar Einarson