Angels and demons aren’t just abstract beliefs in the Philippines. Live there long enough and you’ll sense their presence in everyday life, especially in intimate relationships. The enduring influence of Spanish colonialism helped shape a culture where deep devotion and emotional intensity often go hand in hand, creating dynamics that can be both beautiful and challenging.
Living together is difficult anywhere in the world. Jealousy, pride, and emotional reactivity threaten relationships across cultures. But the emotional terrain can be particularly demanding if you’re dating a Filipina, especially without understanding her context. If you can’t cope with emotional intensity or what may feel like irrational behavior, you may not be ready for this kind of partnership.
It helps to see these “demons” — the outbursts, the jealousy, the fiery confrontations — as safety valves. In many developing countries, women bear an enormous burden. In the Philippines, women are often the emotional and practical glue of society. Yet religion and tradition have long instructed them to submit to male authority. Many endure far more than they should. They quietly support men who act irresponsibly under the excuse of “doing what a man has to do.”
A particularly painful issue is alcohol. Many Filipinas have watched their own fathers or partners turn to the bottle when life gets hard, only to see the family economy collapse in its wake. For them, alcohol isn’t just a bad habit. It’s a threat. It represents broken trust, financial ruin, and emotional abandonment. This history has planted a deep-rooted fear and suspicion of drinking, one that many Western men misunderstand or underestimate. If you ignore that, you’re likely to run into trouble fast.
The fight to secure a stable, loving partner is real. Clan loyalty runs deep, and protecting what one sees as “theirs”, emotionally and economically, is instinctive. When survival feels at stake, even minor threats, real or perceived, can trigger explosive reactions. But underneath it all is often a yearning for security, trust, and respect. If you respond with empathy instead of defensiveness, your “angel” is likely to return.
Foreign men coming to countries like the Philippines are often viewed with suspicion. There’s a stereotype: the older Westerner looking for a submissive partner because he can’t find one “back home.” The history of sex tourism hasn’t helped. Many Filipinas have seen enough to be cautious, even calculating. This isn’t out of malice but out of necessity in a tough world.
So what’s the antidote to this cycle of mistrust and stereotype? Build something real. Let your relationship be a blessing to both of you. Don’t romanticize. Don’t condescend. Try to understand. Be kind. And before you marry, take an honest look at whether love is mutual or whether you’re being drawn into someone’s survival strategy.
Image by Eldar Einarson
2 responses to “Angels and Demons: A Foreigner’s Take on Love and Life in the Philippines”
Absolutely wrong. White men of all descritions come here (rich and poor) to look for the kind of wife thats disappeared in the developed world .A typical developed nation wife weighs 100 kilos who doesnt know how to cook ( cooking is warming up a pizza in the microwave), drinks like a fish , smokes and shows no love whatsoever.
In a filipina he finds love and respect and someone who wants to learn, of course she wants to help her family as well ,who wouldn’t.
Your ”absolutely wrong” remark reminds me of the old fable of the elephant in the dark room with four entrances. A sage tells four men that the truth is to be found in the room and send them into the darkness from four sides, and he gets four different explanations when the men returns and the men starts to fight because all of them know the truth. Your explanation of the liberated western women is probably the reason why many men travels far to find a wife, but is the explanation a truth, or just a part of the truth needed to justify a choice?