The Baby Who Killed the Racist in Me

I was raised in a society where the color of your skin is so important that you have more value as a person if you are white. The whiter, the better. This is also deeply rooted in me, and some days ago I got a lesson that I will never forget.

Admit it or not, one of the reasons why Asian women like me marry a Western man is because of the possibility to have a cute white baby that everybody will admire. I myself feel very happy whenever I see a fair baby and here in Spain, there are so many. Their beautiful eyes and red cheeks are so charming, so cute, and make me wish to have one of my own, LOL. But since my husband and I have early on decided not to have kids, I just confine myself to admiring them when they are around.

I feel dreamy when I see them and I told my husband that whenever he sees one from the balcony, he must tell me. One day, my husband just did that excitedly (which was unusual) so I was thinking the baby must be very cute.

I went to the balcony and saw a woman with a child passing on the other side of the street and I blurted out spontaneously, ¨huh, that´s not a cute baby, that’s a black baby!¨ and felt disappointed. The baby was strapped on his mother’s back; an African street peddler carrying her merchandise on her head. I continued to ask my husband, “why do you like black babies?” He said, “all babies are cute” and gave me a warm smile.  Four small words and I felt like I was slapped a thousand times.

There was a moment of silence and I asked myself, why did I say that? Geez, I’m a racist! Definitely, all babies are cute whatever the color is. A tear fell from my eyes and I whispered sorry to God for exhibiting such an abominable attitude. I started to berate and examine myself and was feeling so aghast that I couldn’t even swallow.

I’m from a society where the standards of beauty or cuteness are very different. Filipinos often like white skin, colored eyes, and pointy noses. Even with babies who are innocent angels, we tend to give more attention to the white kids than the darker ones. I am guilty of that and I am not proud. In the Philippines, I often witness disapproving teases and glances towards Filipinas who have black babies and kids. It often comes with a comment, ¨are you that desperate that you have to marry a Black? ¨

I’m still ashamed, but I have learned one of the most important lessons in life. I have no difficulties any longer seeing the beauty in every baby.

13 Replies to “The Baby Who Killed the Racist in Me”

  1. Good realization, then. At least we learn from our mistakes and try to make amend to say the least. We all are racist, one way or the other. Just like the song from AVENUE Q:

    Everyone’s a little bit racist, it’s true
    But everyone is just about as racist as you
    If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit
    And everyone stopped being so P.C.
    Maybe we could live in harmony
    Everyone’s a little bit racist

    But to be tactful and be always reminded that we are all brothers and we all came from one race, the human race would make a BIG DIFFERENCE. Let’s spread love.

    1. Thank you so much, my friend. It was a shock to see that things which I intellectually know are wrong still live within me on a deeper level. But when I understood by heart, it disappeared. Thanks for the insightful comment 🙂

  2. You have written a beautiful text. I’m a Western white man, one of those whom Asian women would like to marry. However, I get a bit dark especially during summer time. I also believe that everybody is a racist. I admire those people who help others no matter what the colour of their skin is, where they are from or what religion they practise. I keep believing that all of us are racist. I live in a country where there are immigrants from Asia, South America, Africa, Western Europe and so on. Most of us don’t like them. But what I can tell you too is they don’t like each other so they are racist too. This is why, like the previous reader said and I agree with him, all of us in one way or another are racist. I hope that my words make you feel a bit less guilty about what you used to think. Thanks for sharing with us your deep thoughts.

    1. Having someone like you Jorge share same thought like mine is friendship in the making (I suppose, hahaha). People nowadays don’t have profound interests in helping others, instead they’re becoming indifferent. I wish people would try to see the inner beauty of a person and that love and respect would transcend differences in race, color, religion, culture and societal norms of whose race is superior and whose not. Happy reading, Jorge.

    2. Thanks, Jorge. Yes, we are all carrying patterns which can turn ugly under certain circumstances. But after understanding myself a bit more, I hope to be able to make a little difference by being more open and curious towards people of other cultures, especially babies, LOL.

      1. White, red, black, Caucasians, Asians, Westerners – I find all babies adorable – no matter what their colors or races are.

      2. I wish for people to always show love, respect and high regard for human dignity and show this to children as they would eventually emulate what they see from elders.

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