The dream of finding a soulmate is inherently strong in us and I must admit that it is one of the things I have prayed hard for. When I was young, I asked one of my teachers how it was to be married and she answered, ¨It´s definitely not a bed of roses.¨ And after seeing my own parents´ fights, I recognized that a marriage is not an easy ride. I am glad I learned that lesson early.
One of the first things my husband told me is that real love is a recognition of something unique and beautiful in each other, and after that, an ability to oversee your partner’s flaws followed by hard work if you decide to live together. ¨Love is a challenge and marriage is hard work,¨ he said and kissed me before he asked if I was ready for sweat and tears. Luckily I was. After making a decision paper weighing the pros and cons and charmed by his honesty, I said yes, and I have never regretted it. Of course, there have been times when my pride, jealousy and misunderstanding have made me cry and felt lousy but as my husband says: “There are still rooms for improvement in both of us, so why not try to reach out for that?”
My husband and I share a lot of similarities, but he is of a different nationality and we have a big age gap. Yet we don´t really quarrel, but we discuss things intensely sometimes. However, we both agree not to directly hit each other’s personality, and also to understand the pressure that triggers the conflict. We try to count to ten before saying anything when provoked or hurt. It is not as easy as it sounds and we are still training on it, LOL
Our move to Spain wasn´t very comfortable for me but I managed to pass the difficulties by being positive. I tell you, you will need a lot of it when you have to travel alone to a foreign country and settle there with your husband and none of you know the language.
It takes hard work for marriage to work. I don´t mean the type of hard work when you have to keep busy always because you want financial stability for the family. That is a responsible thought, but you also have to work mentally to keep the balance between your career, your relationship with your partner and your kids if you have. Not to mention, with yourself. It´s never going to be easy, but it´s well worth the ride for yourself and for the ones important to you to never take focus away from the kindness and understanding that glue a marriage together.
I´ve seen a lot of failed marriages and I often ask, did you really try to work it out? Did you take time to examine things between you and your partner? Did you focus more on the solution than the problem?
A marriage will never work well without each other´s full cooperation. It´s like a sacred goal, or maybe a longing to have a good relationship out of love, respect and understanding. All the riches in the world pale compared to the inner peace you gain when you have a partner that also helps you to grow in the process.
My marriage is still young and anything can happen. However, I am willing to put in all the work to make it work without sacrificing my own dignity. That´s what I have learned from my past experiences surviving on the rough edges. I have scars from the past and bad reaction patterns to get rid of. I need room for myself and support for my dreams. It takes a great soulmate to see that, and I am happy that I´ve found one.